I'm gonna have a badass scar
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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