I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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