idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
