im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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