The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im about as happy as oj after his trial
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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