Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
