I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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