so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
