Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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