what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
