The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
