i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Randomize
