Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
