I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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