My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
