i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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