Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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