I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
