I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he fucked my hip out of place.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
