The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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