Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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