It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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