Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
