He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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