i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize