Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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