I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
