I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
