Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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