Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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