Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
