Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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