oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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