I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
