You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
