this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
