I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
