Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
