Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
