Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
