i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
