You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
