Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize