haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
