I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
