Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
