Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
