I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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