she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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