Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
