I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
