she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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