he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
