I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
