I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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