yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
