i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
