Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Randomize
