There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
