I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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