i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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