did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
