wrigley field is MILF paradise
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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