Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
