I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
