i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
