just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
