im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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