im about as happy as oj after his trial
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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