Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
