I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
