I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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