how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
