What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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