I cannot find my penis.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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